"We must refuse to compete
with our friends, acquaintances and even strangers. The first step is to think
about what you are jealous of and admit it–out loud. My friend once admitted to
me that she was jealous of a woman at the gym that worked out in a sports bra and
had a stomach that was flat as a board. My friend knew she was irritated about
this woman and her ugly feelings towards her wouldn’t go away until she
admitted it out loud.
Think about that person (or people) that gets the green eyed
monster stirring in you. Now, simply admit it, no matter how silly you feel.
Tell it to your best friend or even your husband. Saying it out loud releases
the power that the jealousy holds over us. It provides a some perspective and I
guarantee that admitting it will make you feel like a load is off your
shoulders.
Now, be generous with praise for others. That woman at the gym?
Tell her she looks great. I know, that makes you cringe at the thought. But
forcing yourself to say nice things, praise other mothers and encouraging each
other whenever possible changes us. The jealousy will go away.
Next, focus on yourself. Count your blessings and
celebrate your achievements. Write down your blessings and positive
thought patterns will become more routine, more second nature.
Get off the competitive train, Moms. Take the hard road
and confront what makes you feel jealous, even if that doesn’t feel good at
first. Rise above it.
I expect this week’s exercise will be a difficult one, Moms. Do
you find yourself competing with others on a regular basis?"
I will agree with Dr. Meeker that this is a difficult one. There is no denying that I get jealous or even envious of other people.
Couple nights ago, I had talked about this with S. One of the
things that he knows that I get jealous with is other mothers that have more
time than me. I don’t remember saying it like that… haha, but it’s true, I’ll
read blogs, see crafts, and other things that I will tell him, “I wish I had
time to do all these things.” It took me awhile to realize that my “wishes” is
a sign of jealousy. How I wish I could do this and that, and all these other
mothers get to do it, and I don’t.
I’ll admit that I’m jealous of the stay-at-home moms who get to
spend time with their kids, blog about life, make crafts every day, etc. I really
should not be jealous. I do think it’s great that they get to be home with
their kids. I realize that for us to live the way that we do and to do things
that we want to in the future, I need to work full-time. If we want more kids,
I definitely need to work full-time (to cover daycare costs).
Something else that I’m “jealous” about, it is a complete 180 from
stay-at-home moms, that I make excuses
for myself, I’ll tell myself, “They can do that right now because they are not
married, they do not have kids, etc.”
Does it matter if he/she is single? Does it matter if he/she does
not have kids?
It shouldn’t, but I let it bother me and somehow it’s supposed to
make me feel better, when it doesn’t. I should be happy at where I am in life. I
have a wonderful, supportive husband, and two handsome boys. It just means that I need to work a little
bit harder to achieve what I want in life. I need to prioritize my wants and needs,
and make the best out of it. I need to do things for myself and not compare
myself with other people.
After writing this out,
I realized that the consistent thing with everything I’m jealous about is time.
Is there anyone in this
world that can tell me that they have all the time in the world to do what they
want?
So, time management is
an issue. What I want to do and what I can do is making better use of my time,
and putting things in order.
Since I had discussed
this with S, it really puts things in perspective for me. I am happy that I am
working (especially in this economy), my kids get to learn new things at day
care, they get to play with their friends, I get adult time, I am consistently learning
new things in my field, and there is nothing wrong being a working mother.
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Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges
Click here for my Happy Mother Challenges.
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