Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 4

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 4

"We must refuse to compete with our friends, acquaintances and even strangers. The first step is to think about what you are jealous of and admit it–out loud. My friend once admitted to me that she was jealous of a woman at the gym that worked out in a sports bra and had a stomach that was flat as a board. My friend knew she was irritated about this woman and her ugly feelings towards her wouldn’t go away until she admitted it out loud.
Think about that person (or people) that gets the green eyed monster stirring in you. Now, simply admit it, no matter how silly you feel. Tell it to your best friend or even your husband. Saying it out loud releases the power that the jealousy holds over us. It provides a some perspective and I guarantee that admitting it will make you feel like a load is off your shoulders.
Now, be generous with praise for others. That woman at the gym? Tell her she looks great. I know, that makes you cringe at the thought. But forcing yourself to say nice things, praise other mothers and encouraging each other whenever possible changes us. The jealousy will go away.
Next, focus on yourself.  Count your blessings and celebrate your achievements.  Write down your blessings and positive thought patterns will become more routine, more second nature.
Get off the competitive train, Moms.  Take the hard road and confront what makes you feel jealous, even if that doesn’t feel good at first. Rise above it.
I expect this week’s exercise will be a difficult one, Moms. Do you find yourself competing with others on a regular basis?"

I will agree with Dr. Meeker that this is a difficult one. There is no denying that I get jealous or even envious of other people.
Couple nights ago, I had talked about this with S. One of the things that he knows that I get jealous with is other mothers that have more time than me. I don’t remember saying it like that… haha, but it’s true, I’ll read blogs, see crafts, and other things that I will tell him, “I wish I had time to do all these things.” It took me awhile to realize that my “wishes” is a sign of jealousy. How I wish I could do this and that, and all these other mothers get to do it, and I don’t.
I’ll admit that I’m jealous of the stay-at-home moms who get to spend time with their kids, blog about life, make crafts every day, etc. I really should not be jealous. I do think it’s great that they get to be home with their kids. I realize that for us to live the way that we do and to do things that we want to in the future, I need to work full-time. If we want more kids, I definitely need to work full-time (to cover daycare costs).

Something else that I’m “jealous” about, it is a complete 180 from stay-at-home moms, that  I make excuses for myself, I’ll tell myself, “They can do that right now because they are not married, they do not have kids, etc.”
Does it matter if he/she is single? Does it matter if he/she does not have kids?
It shouldn’t, but I let it bother me and somehow it’s supposed to make me feel better, when it doesn’t.  I should be happy at where I am in life. I have a wonderful, supportive husband, and two handsome boys.  It just means that I need to work a little bit harder to achieve what I want in life. I need to prioritize my wants and needs, and make the best out of it. I need to do things for myself and not compare myself with other people.

After writing this out, I realized that the consistent thing with everything I’m jealous about is time.
Is there anyone in this world that can tell me that they have all the time in the world to do what they want?
So, time management is an issue. What I want to do and what I can do is making better use of my time, and putting things in order.

Since I had discussed this with S, it really puts things in perspective for me. I am happy that I am working (especially in this economy), my kids get to learn new things at day care, they get to play with their friends, I get adult time, I am consistently learning new things in my field, and there is nothing wrong being a working mother. 

Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges

Click here for my Happy Mother Challenges.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...