Thursday, August 2, 2012

Foot injuries and internal struggles

I have not been running. It makes me sad. I hurt my foot during the half marathon, later figured out that it was the shoes.
Then couple weeks ago, I went running, and somehow hurt my foot. I must have been running funny or something. I still can't figure it out. I even had to go to the doctor's because I could barely walk on it.

This makes me sad since I can't run... it really just dampened my mood.
Maybe that's why I haven't been posting? I have been busy with work, really busy.... then studying for licensing exams. Why did I pick a degree that I have to take more exams after college?
But I also have some internal struggles that I have been fighting with.

I have low thyroid count, borderline. So I'm always fatigue... and sometime that really puts you in a bluesy mood. It took awhile for me to really say, 'Hey, I need to see the doctor'. S had to mention it in a way that I wouldn't bite his head off! But he did, and I finally went to the see doctor about three months ago.

I've been going through some mild depression. It's not too serious, I've been taking some meds to see what works for me. Basically I am a science project. haha.
I thought running would help with putting me in a better mood, but it hasn't helped... at least not enough to make a difference.

You know how there are those 'emo' days when you're a teenager? I almost feel like that, but I don't have time to feel like that. When you're a teenager, everything is a big deal, and you get moody real fast. Well, for me, not everything is a big deal, if something doesn't work out. ok, I can handle it (i think!)... but I really unmotivated to do anything. Sometimes, even my hobby doesn't seem to put me in a better mood. I'm so ho-hum. just in a weird funk. I would sometimes cry myself to sleep, and sometimes when I'm really overwhelmed with life - I would cry at my desk at work for no reason at all (and then just avoid anyone that walks by)... I just go in a shut down mode where nothing I do would make me happy. Granted, I have a wonderful family, I do think of that, and think how fortunate I am... but there is just that trigger that I can't turn on to where I feel good about myself.

So, my doctor put me on some anti-depression pills, which is fine... it's been about 3 or so months, I'm still tired, I will say that my mood is better, but I don't feel like myself yet. So, we're still trying to figure everything out.

Maybe this is my break from the pressure? It's just an internal struggle that I need to overcome. I really hope I'm not the only one like this, and I know I'm not... but I just don't know who to talk to... or who sometimes I can relate to.

hey, thanks for listening to me. I really appreciate it.

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