Happy Mother Challenge - Day 8

I'm totally behind. Sorry!!

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 8

It’s easy to get overwhelmed these days.

That cell phone that you keep tethered to your side either rings constantly or it regularly bleats, alerting you to new text messages.  Mail in all it’s forms (email, snail mail and voicemail) demands to be answered immediately.  Then there’s trying to entertain your children while you simultaneously prepare their dinner and run three loads of laundry.  Meanwhile, the dog is poking you, reminding you he needs to go out for a walk while the television blares loudly in the background.

It’s emotional and psychological chaos and it must stop.

CHALLENGE:

Scrutinize your calendar and checkbook.  See how you are living and evaluate whether what you are spending time and money on is really consistent with your priorities and goals.  Make a list of your top 3 priorities as a mother and get out your family calendar and cross off what is standing in the way of you accomplishing these.

Simplicity is the disciplined art of letting go. It means willingly determining that your inner self needs some focus, some paring down and reorganization of priorities. So. Do. It.

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So, this sounds familiar, except for the dog part. I also think this is more about time management. What do I want to accomplish by end of the night?

S and I aren't so bad with the phones. We do like to play games on there though. I enjoy reading books on my phone.

Usually we have the same routine. We come home from work. The boys get a small snack. While the TV entertains them, either S or I will start dinner. After dinner, we either go outside for a short walk, bubbles, or if it's snowy or rainy, we just watch a little bit of TV. After that fun stuff, we get ready for bath and then bed.

My schedule. M- F is usually the same as what I just said above. We usually go out to eat Friday night with family.
Saturday: I try to plan something where it takes the boys around town. Last weekend we went to a free event that had trucks and big rigs for the kids to sit in. They had so much fun! This is the day where I wash about 2 to 3 loads of clothes. I wash one load in the morning, then I delay set timer for approximate time when we'll get home from our outting. Then wash another load around dinner.

Sunday: In the morning, we have church. Lunch with family. Nap. This is when I wash the towels. Right after nap I wash bed sheets.

Oh, I forgot to mention. You know all those loads that we washed? We fold them throughout the week. They hang out on our sofa for a bit. Then slowly it makes it to their rightful drawers. Sometimes it takes longer than a week, but it makes it either to the drawer or it's picked out and worn again!

To give you an idea... I cropped a photo of our sofa in the background. I know, it's totally embarrassing!! We have a lot of laundry baskets. I think we have at least five. When anyone is coming over, I throw EVERYTHING in a basket, and hidden from view. Usually in the laundry room, I have to make sure I remember which basket is the clean one! lol

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 7

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 7

CHALLENGE: 


Cut the list of expectations you have for the people in your life in half. Focus on the big stuff and let the small stuff go. Mothers can be much happier if we learn to dismiss character flaws, sullen attitudes, or temper tantrums and focus on the goodness in loved ones. Doing so doesn’t mean that we are blind; it is quite the opposite. It means that we are willing to see the faults and frailties of our loved ones but appreciate and love them anyway. This is gritty, deeper love, the kind that brings great joy not only to our loved one, but to us as well. Love that requires us to say things that are right and good, to extend comfort and forgiveness to a loved one when he doesn’t deserve it, or refuse to give up trying, is the kind that truly makes life worth living.

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If you go to the link on Dr. Meg Meeker's website, there is a line that says "the problem isn’t really our disappointment; the problem is our expectations."

I noticed lately with D (Child #1) that he gets frustrated when we praise him. (In case you didn't know, D is 3 years old) It's not like we never praise him or praise him too much. If he does something right, we tell him "good job!"... encouraging words.
On Sunday, as he was getting dressed for church, he had a hard time putting his arms through his shirt. He was "stuck" and wanted me to help him. But by the time he came over to me (since I was dressing C), he figured it out. I said, "You did it! You didn't need my help! Good job!" ... he looked at me, and was frustrated, and told me not to talk to him. Of course, I don't allow talking back in our house. So, he got a stern talk about talking back to me. I also had him come over to me, I hugged him and told him how proud I am that he figured out putting his shirt on, and it's okay to be achieve difficult things.
Sunday before, he made a mistake with something, I don't recall. But he made a mistake, and got frustrated. I just pulled him aside (we were at church), and told him that it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to be wrong sometimes, and we'll still love him.

I'm not sure what he is going through right now, being able to express and talk about his feelings? He doesn't talk about it, he just gets frustrated.

I think the hardest part with "expectations" with both kids are different. With D, it was potty training. It took him longer than most kids to start potty training. He didn't care if he was wet, poopy, etc. But the moment when we stopped expecting it. He wanted to do it. He started to go to the bathroom!! I think this really taught us, as parents, that the moment we stop expecting him to be like every other kid... He'll always be himself. We should help him with himself and not help him to be like other kids.

As for C, he's almost 20 months, and still barely talks (under 8 words). D had over 50+ by this age. I was concerned. I asked the doctor during check up couple months ago, she said it's normal for this age. She did ask if we were comparing with his brother. We were. So, we need to step back and not expect it out of him, and it'll happen when it happens.

They are not like any other children.
They are perfect in their own way

This is a few months ago as we were going on a walk.  

I don't think I'll ever get a good camera picture. These boys move too fast for my camera phone! 

 

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 6

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 6

I missed this one last week.

CHALLENGE:
Carve out some time for yourself this week.  Put away your iPhone, turn off your computer and be with yourself and just listen.


Here are some ideas to inspire you. Feel free to list some of your own in the comments below!


Arrive early to work and before you jump out of your car to start the day, turn off the car and silence the radio. Just sit and be.
Shut your office door after lunch, turn off the computer, silence your phone and take a breather.
Go to your local library, find a comfortable chair and absorb the silence.
After your children are asleep in their beds, go to your favorite chair. Turn off the television and just spend a few minutes listening to the silence.
Your turn. Tell me how you will carve out a bit of solitude for yourself this week. Do it and come back and tell me how it felt.

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I have a really hard time with this. My mind is super active, I can't sit still. I have a really hard time just "vegging". If I'm watching TV, I am either folding clothes, putting dishes away, I hardly ever just watch TV. I think the only time I really do watch TV is when one of the boys (mostly C, because he's the cuddler, D doesn't care to cuddle).
I keep myself busy so my mind doesn't wander... like S says, when I get a thought, which is a snowflake... and when I'm thinking about it, it turns into a giant snowball that just rolls down the hill and gets bigger and bigger.

So, I'm going to try my best to just sit and just be.

We'll see how it goes... ... I have a feeling I won't do this very well.

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 5

LOL, I have no idea why it took me this long to realize that I've been typing "day" instead of "week"... oh well, might as well stick with the "day" but you get the idea, right? :)

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 5 -- *snickers*
CHALLENGE:
The next time you want to open your wallet to buy something for one of your children, stop. Ask yourself what your motive is. Do you think your child will love you better because you’re buying him or her the latest game for their Xbox? If you realize that you are doing it to feel better about yourself as a mother, don’t spend the money. Challenge yourself instead by giving your child something more long-lasting. Carve out an evening the two of you can spend together.
Then do a test: see how you feel about life the next day. Chances are excellent that you will feel a deeper sense of satisfaction about life and about yourself.
Spending time (not $$) is the only authentic, lasting way to improve your relationship and make lasting, fulfilling memories with your children.
Remember to focus on providing love, attention and your time. Nothing that you can purchase can come close.

I grew up pretty frugal. We were definitely not rich, but lived by with what we can. I started buying my own school supplies, clothes, etc. the moment I could work. So, saving money and putting it in good use is important to me.
This may come by pretty silly, but my dad would always tell us that if we're going #1, use 2 squares of toilet paper, and we're going #2, then we use 3 squares of toilet paper. This is so instilled in me, that now, I still count the toilet paper, but I thin I now go up to 4 squares! LOL
So, ok... where I am going with this? LOL... no idea, just wanted to share my toilet paper story! haha

I think I do pretty well for this challenge. We have a budget for our kids when we buy for them, like $30 per child for Christmas and $30 for their birthday. I'm sure this will change with the technology and how every one of their friends has this and has that. They do not get presents for small holidays, like Valentine's day or first day of Spring.
There is no denying that I do buy stuff for them when I am out shopping. They are usually craft supplies, like paint, construction paper, coloring books, etc.
I think this challenge is for us to turn off the TV more often (D loves to watch Team UmiZoomi and Super Why) and spend quality time with them.

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Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges Click here for my Happy Mother Challenges.

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 4

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 4

"We must refuse to compete with our friends, acquaintances and even strangers. The first step is to think about what you are jealous of and admit it–out loud. My friend once admitted to me that she was jealous of a woman at the gym that worked out in a sports bra and had a stomach that was flat as a board. My friend knew she was irritated about this woman and her ugly feelings towards her wouldn’t go away until she admitted it out loud.

Think about that person (or people) that gets the green eyed monster stirring in you. Now, simply admit it, no matter how silly you feel. Tell it to your best friend or even your husband. Saying it out loud releases the power that the jealousy holds over us. It provides a some perspective and I guarantee that admitting it will make you feel like a load is off your shoulders.

Now, be generous with praise for others. That woman at the gym? Tell her she looks great. I know, that makes you cringe at the thought. But forcing yourself to say nice things, praise other mothers and encouraging each other whenever possible changes us. The jealousy will go away.

Next, focus on yourself.  Count your blessings and celebrate your achievements.  Write down your blessings and positive thought patterns will become more routine, more second nature.

Get off the competitive train, Moms.  Take the hard road and confront what makes you feel jealous, even if that doesn’t feel good at first. Rise above it.

I expect this week’s exercise will be a difficult one, Moms. Do you find yourself competing with others on a regular basis?"

I will agree with Dr. Meeker that this is a difficult one. There is no denying that I get jealous or even envious of other people.

Couple nights ago, I had talked about this with S. One of the things that he knows that I get jealous with is other mothers that have more time than me. I don’t remember saying it like that… haha, but it’s true, I’ll read blogs, see crafts, and other things that I will tell him, “I wish I had time to do all these things.” It took me awhile to realize that my “wishes” is a sign of jealousy. How I wish I could do this and that, and all these other mothers get to do it, and I don’t.

I’ll admit that I’m jealous of the stay-at-home moms who get to spend time with their kids, blog about life, make crafts every day, etc. I really should not be jealous. I do think it’s great that they get to be home with their kids. I realize that for us to live the way that we do and to do things that we want to in the future, I need to work full-time. If we want more kids, I definitely need to work full-time (to cover daycare costs).

Something else that I’m “jealous” about, it is a complete 180 from stay-at-home moms, that  I make excuses for myself, I’ll tell myself, “They can do that right now because they are not married, they do not have kids, etc.”

Does it matter if he/she is single? Does it matter if he/she does not have kids?

It shouldn’t, but I let it bother me and somehow it’s supposed to make me feel better, when it doesn’t.  I should be happy at where I am in life. I have a wonderful, supportive husband, and two handsome boys.  It just means that I need to work a little bit harder to achieve what I want in life. I need to prioritize my wants and needs, and make the best out of it. I need to do things for myself and not compare myself with other people.

After writing this out, I realized that the consistent thing with everything I’m jealous about is time.

Is there anyone in this world that can tell me that they have all the time in the world to do what they want?

So, time management is an issue. What I want to do and what I can do is making better use of my time, and putting things in order.

Since I had discussed this with S, it really puts things in perspective for me. I am happy that I am working (especially in this economy), my kids get to learn new things at day care, they get to play with their friends, I get adult time, I am consistently learning new things in my field, and there is nothing wrong being a working mother. 

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Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges

Click here for my Happy Mother Challenges.

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 3

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 3

"This is your gentle invitation to start a conversation with yourself about God.  Start paying attention to the spiritual dimension of your life, praying about it if you feel called to do so, raising questions and seeking out the answers to them.   Don’t be afraid of religion and spirituality if you’ve never explored it before. Baby steps are better than no steps at all.

Tap into your heart of hearts and listen. That’s all."

Spirituality is always a hard topic to talk about. I am not shy to tell you that I am a Christian. I grew up in the Living Stream Ministries, as Steve and I got married, we now go to Community of Christ. 

I know that some people have issues with different denominations. Are we not all praying to the same God?

I do think this is a good challenge for me. Sometimes I forget that prayers can be so easy. I can pray during my drive to work instead of listening to talk radio (yes, i love talk radio). I forget that God is all around me, and I can talk to Him any where.

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Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges

Click here for my Happy Mother Challenges.

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 2

Happy Mother Challenge - Day 2.

"Accept that cultivating your friendships takes work and commit to doing that work this week. Think of the two or three women in your life that mean the world to you. Pick up the phone—and no, don’t text your girlfriends–CALL THEM. Chat, even if you just have 5 minutes to catch up. Do whatever it takes to create a habit of touching base with these women—think of them as your tribe—weekly.  Create a calendar reminder, put it in your iPhone, place a sticky note on your fridge—anything that makes you stop and pick the phone to connect with these women that will mean so much to you over the years.
After you’ve completed this week’s exercise, make a mental note of how it made you feel to connect with your inner circle of friends. Now, go back and re-read the list you made last week and reflect on who you are as a mother and the friends that encircle you. Soak in those good feelings and know that you are loved."

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I'm going to admit that I neglect my friends. I always have. My mom had a major fall out friendship with a good friend with her's after high school, I think it was in her 20's. She would tell me that the people that you're closest with would hurt you most. It's just best to not have close friends.  So, that was instilled in my head really early on, as long as I can remember. She would always tell me to be careful when I got close to any friends. I forced myself to put a wall up.  I know she only told me this to prevent me from getting hurt... but I think it made it worse. I had a major fall out with my best friend in college. I knew her for a very, very long time. She was (and still is) a wonderful person. I finally got around several years after college and apologized to her. It was too late, but I needed to... she knows who she is, and if she reads this... I hope she knows that I still think of her and still miss her daily.
So, enough of that sob story and moving along with my challenge! 

Today, I called up one of my friends, Leslie, that I met online almost seven years ago. I haven't seen her since I was pregnant with D. I called her up, and just wanted to see how she is. I called her at such a bad time! Haha! She accidentally drove off with the gas pump in her car... and gas was overflowing. It was just crazy! I talked to her, tried to calm her down... which I think it did? Maybe? She definitely sounded calmer. It was a quick call, maybe 10-15 minutes. She was quite shocked to hear my voice, since we haven't talked on the phone for so long. We usually just e-mail. Either way, it was nice to hear her voice. 


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Not sure what I'm talking about? Meg Meeker, MD's The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers - Happy Mother Challenges
Here is my Happy Mother Challenge - Day 1.

Mother Challenges

If you have boys, I recommend reading Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons by Meg Meeker, M.D. It's a great book to just helping you understand that boys will be boys, and it's okay. She points out a lot of common sense, but sometimes pointing it out helps us realize some of the things that we need to pay attention to.

So, Meg Meeker, MD has a website ... she has these Mom Challenges. Granted, we all have obstacles everyday. Moms do have a lot on their plates. There are days where I'm just running around like a chicken with its head cut off... frantic on how to get things done before I go to bed! I hope I'm not the only one that feels that way! I also think S helps by calming me down, asking me how he can help me, and even just say, "what are the priorities for tonight?" He's the calm one in all this.

These challenges that Meg Meeker, MD posts, I'm going to try and do them. Feel free to join me if you'd like! Let me know if you do!

Meg Meeker, MD's first challenge is Happy Mother Challenge.

Make a list. Yes, a list. But be serious about it. I know you have a list in your head about everything that you don’t do right. It’s a long list of every little failure and moment that you think you really messed up this Mom “job.”

I want you to make an actual, physical list of things that you are really GOOD at and what you LIKE about yourself, just as you are. Write down what you are, what you like, what you dream about, what makes you happy, what you’re good at, etc. A Happy List. A Positive List. Now, take that list and put it in your wallet. Take it out when you’re having a tough day and read through it when those negative thoughts embed themselves in your mind. Remember that you have value and you are good. Just as you are.

If you do not know about me, I'm quite a negative person.. which is why I started Happy Fridays, to remind myself that my week was pretty good. If something bad/negative happened... forget about it! Think of the happy moments!

I have my list of the negative thing that I have felt, thought, and done as my Mom "job" in my head. ...

But to write down the good... this is going to be tough.
1. I'm good at sewing.
2. I enjoy baking muffins from scratch for my family every Saturday or Sunday morning.
3. I love seeing a smile on my boys' face when I pick them up at daycare.
4. I love watching D paint, play with his car, trains, etc.
5. I love watching C play at the play kitchen, his joyful laugh when he runs away from us after taking off his clothes and diaper so we can change him (he loves to be naked).
6. I love seeing my boys enjoy the foods that I make
7. I love snuggling with my boys, even if it's so they D can stay up 10 extra minutes
8. I love my husband, who helps me around the house.
9. I love my husband, who supports me in everything that I do.