Cut the list of expectations you have for the people in your life in half. Focus on the big stuff and let the small stuff go. Mothers can be much happier if we learn to dismiss character flaws, sullen attitudes, or temper tantrums and focus on the goodness in loved ones. Doing so doesn’t mean that we are blind; it is quite the opposite. It means that we are willing to see the faults and frailties of our loved ones but appreciate and love them anyway. This is gritty, deeper love, the kind that brings great joy not only to our loved one, but to us as well. Love that requires us to say things that are right and good, to extend comfort and forgiveness to a loved one when he doesn’t deserve it, or refuse to give up trying, is the kind that truly makes life worth living.
If you go to the link on Dr. Meg Meeker's website, there is a line that says "the problem isn’t really our disappointment; the problem is our expectations."
I noticed lately with D (Child #1) that he gets frustrated when we praise him. (In case you didn't know, D is 3 years old) It's not like we never praise him or praise him too much. If he does something right, we tell him "good job!"... encouraging words.
On Sunday, as he was getting dressed for church, he had a hard time putting his arms through his shirt. He was "stuck" and wanted me to help him. But by the time he came over to me (since I was dressing C), he figured it out. I said, "You did it! You didn't need my help! Good job!" ... he looked at me, and was frustrated, and told me not to talk to him. Of course, I don't allow talking back in our house. So, he got a stern talk about talking back to me. I also had him come over to me, I hugged him and told him how proud I am that he figured out putting his shirt on, and it's okay to be achieve difficult things.
Sunday before, he made a mistake with something, I don't recall. But he made a mistake, and got frustrated. I just pulled him aside (we were at church), and told him that it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to be wrong sometimes, and we'll still love him.
I'm not sure what he is going through right now, being able to express and talk about his feelings? He doesn't talk about it, he just gets frustrated.
I think the hardest part with "expectations" with both kids are different. With D, it was potty training. It took him longer than most kids to start potty training. He didn't care if he was wet, poopy, etc. But the moment when we stopped expecting it. He wanted to do it. He started to go to the bathroom!! I think this really taught us, as parents, that the moment we stop expecting him to be like every other kid... He'll always be himself. We should help him with himself and not help him to be like other kids.
As for C, he's almost 20 months, and still barely talks (under 8 words). D had over 50+ by this age. I was concerned. I asked the doctor during check up couple months ago, she said it's normal for this age. She did ask if we were comparing with his brother. We were. So, we need to step back and not expect it out of him, and it'll happen when it happens.
|They are not like any other children.|
They are perfect in their own way
This is a few months ago as we were going on a walk.
I don't think I'll ever get a good camera picture. These boys move too fast for my camera phone!